the truth is...

The truth is...

I am enough. 

This is my "I am" statement.

This is the world I am living in and creating.

It's important for me to know this and feel it in my bones

One of my deepest processes for me to work through is not being enough. It's the story of my life. This sense of not belonging, not good enough. My parents had me at 17. No teenager wants to get pregnant at 16 and have a baby their junior year of high school. I don't blame them. And yet -- I chose them to be my parents.

When I found out I was pregnant with B. It was a big, "holy shit" freak out during that time in my life. I was 27. I didn't want to have children of my own. I couldn't take care of myself, let alone a baby. And yet -- he chose me to be his mama.

This is what I often come back to. In moments where I feel not enough. Or don't feel I have a right to be here.

It is legit root chakra work for me (there's work to be done in the other chakras but this root one is a biggie). 

This story. This upbringing. It bleeds into my life and relationships.

It is why I run from you first. Or hurt you first.

And I am now in the practice of leading with this:

The truth is I am enough. I have a right to be here.

I'm halfway through my yoga teacher training. 

I don't want it to end. As I sit and type this I am holding this lump in my throat. It's the kind of lump that I get when I know I'm growing and expanding but also a little attached to comfort. Knowing I gotta go, do, and be on my own type of good-lumpy-feeling.

Like when I left home at 18. Or when I got pregnant and became a mom. When I taught my first yoga class (probably the first 100 yoga classes). Or taveling out of the country by myself for the first, second, and third time(s). 

It kinda feels like that.

I've been in a yoga bubble since March 1st. 

I am receiving the best coaching in years, maybe ever.

I knew it would be like this. It's why I am here. 

I cannot get away with shit. And -- I don't want to.

I really feel that I have a teacher that really has my back. Which hasn't always been the case in the past (and a mind-fuck of shit to work through for me).

Coaches need coaches.
Teachers need teachers.
Mentors need mentors.

I believe this.

In real life, in person, and in real time kind of way.

I feel really alive. 

And high. 

I'm not on drugs right now.

I am soaking up the next month and a half of learnings. 

With lumpy-goodness.

And all.

Well, almost all. 

Love, 

Steph

Write Club Prompt:
What is your "I am" statement?