Dating women

I think women need to date each other (more).

I'm talking good old fashioned ask another woman out on a date stuff. 

Buy another woman dinner. Or coffee. Take a long drive. Walk along the beach. Heck, cozy up in a bookstore. Take a swing at the batting cages. Go rollerskating. Hiking. Bring a picnic. Take a yoga class and shit. Scratch that, take a boxing class instead. 

Write her a card. Give flowers. Or crystals, if she's into that shit. Maybe notcrystals, get her a book. Or a journal and pen.

Better yet, maybe not give stuff. Give your attention. 

Go on a double-date. Group date. 

Do this: talk to each other about life, goals, struggles, what sets you off, what excites you. Talk about sex. Orgasms. Awkward, weird, and kinky stuff. Say what's hard in your relationships. Ask each other what you need from others, your community. What you need in a spouse (if you have/want one). About insecurities. About loss. Pain. The upsets from childhood. The greatest lessons you've learned. Talk about skinny-dipping and watching the stars. Tell your favorite movie or book. Your favorite way to spend time alone, your favorite way to spend with another. Where have you traveled? Who is the most interesting person in the world? Your favorite memory. Or piece of clothing. Keep going and tell the truth. 

Tell the truth. That's in bold, twice.

Women, we are fucking complicated.

I've always been friends with dudes much more easily than women.

I found women to be a lot of work. 

I've used excuses to not be friends with women.

Like...

"Dudes are honest."

"Dudes get over shit, fast."

"Dudes are easy to get along with."

Yes, I'm generalizing.

And back then, my twenty-something brain was fed by shit that wasn't real.

Something changed in me when I became a mom. Or maybe hitting my thirties. I looked at women differently. Maybe looked isn't the right word. I felt something. I think, for the first time, I realized I saw myself in other women, at least parts of me. 

All the parts of me that I had denied, perhaps. 

I started to let down my guard, big-time. 

I stopped playing tough, like one of the boys. 
(I was such a "tomboy" growing up. Hair short, like other boys at the time. I played rough and hung with the boys. I took pride in tossing a football and going in for the tackles. I was tall and mouthy, trying to prove something)

I stopped excluding women from my life. 
(And thank god for the few women who remain in my life that have known me during my tumultuous twenties and have stuck by, you ladies wear the capes. You know who you are)

And started inviting women in, close. 

Which felt both natural and discombobulating at the same time. 

I've had trust issues with women (I own that).
(Even in the last year or so, slowly separating myself from a grouping of women, which was absolutely necessary for me, only to have them continue to claw or attempt to interfere with my business/livelihood) 

I won't get into the societal bullshit and the systems built that pin women against each other -- deep down, we all know it.

But.

I am doing my best. 

I started opening myself more, especially to other moms.

Sharing my truths. My highs and lows.

And I found out real quick who was willing to stick around for that by reciprocating their own truths.

See, this motherhood thing didn't feel natural to me. I never wanted to have kids. And I've had to do a lot of work around my shame and guilt for wishing I wasn't pregnant or weighing my options. Or feeling like a complete failure then. How could I have a child when I couldn't even take care of myself?

Women. We need each other.

In a real fierce and badass support kinda way. 

Like the kind where we push each other to front or circle one another in the center. 

It's why dating you is so important. 

To get to know you. And you to know me. 

To inspire and encourage each other. 

To hold another's hand. Breathe. Hug. Piggy-back when necessary. Push you when needed. And tell the fucking truth about your eyebrows or that asshole you're dating. 
(And no, that's not a dig at asshole dudes. We women can be assholes too -- and we fucking know it. The more reason we need to date each other and take each other off the asshole ledge)

I think if women starting dating each other, being vulnerable, and honest -- we'd return back to our ancestral ways of women and ceremony. Of taking care of each other. 

Right now, I have some really amazing, talented, smart, and beautiful women in my life. 

We go on dates. 

We light each other up. 

We talk ideas, dreams, travels, love, highs, lows and we call each other on our shit, without judging or shaming.

We don't do drama or play games. 
We don't do jealousy or that weird competitive thing.
We don't do things that stunt our growth. 

We help each other. 
We support each other. 
We show up for each other.

We tell each other to get the same bra. Or cut bangs. We take care of our necks. And put on lipstick. Or remove all that makeup. We cry and wipe snot off each other's faces. We babysit each other's kids. We set goals for the year. What inspires us. What books we are reading. We keep each other going and tell the truth.

I'm dating women. 

Openly. 

Steph