The light within - goodbye home

Last week, we said goodbye to this teeny-tiny house. It was no longer our home since we received notice. The neighborhood is shifting, the new arena built, the storming in of new residents and much higher prices. An out with no choice. They're transforming the neighborhood, they say.

Light from sun up to sun down, much of my healing came from such light. I confided to a friend my reservations about the move, a fear of falling back into dark. I don't need light for photos or a pretty window for practice. Living in the light, I could not close off and go dark. I kept my face towards the sun, wrote ferociously, and loved fiercely in that space. 

Those walls kept by 100 year old rotting wood and bad electrical. What you don't see in photos is a house above an alley with weekly drug deals and human waste. Continuously busted motion lights and midnight hollers that often kept nights restless. The home that held such great light, tucked behind a gated, 3-key entry. This was a home that was in constant unrest; noise and stimulation a part of its order. A place on alert. It would be the place I stopped walking with my son after being harassed and followed. A place where I called the cops more times than I could count. A place where our mail was continuously stolen. It would also be the place that kept us close, warm, and clean. A place for creation. A place that holds favorite memories, like our best friends for neighbors, and chosen family cooking and game nights.

Some say they will miss this space and the stunning window light, maybe I will at times. But when the curtains came down and we began to strip, it no longer held the same light, nor kept our memories and our happy. As I practiced in the space one last time, it seemed so small and dark. My fear no longer kept me here. We made this home a home with our love. We made this home a home with our light. As we carry our love and our light, we will carry it on to the next. This old home held us for a time and I am grateful for that window of time. #lovealltheway

out of my comfort zone

In this light, I am. Chosen to live so far out of my comfort zone is where I began again with my great love, me. When you live in this way, it’s foreign at first. There’s glimpses of peace and touches of reasoning. Mostly, unnerving requests to bring forth the ugly parts first. Oh, it aches and it ached. Eventually, the ugly turn into beautiful. With its remains. You reside. It’s taken some time, if one is counting on such scales. I am not. Time doesn’t heal. Healing does the healing.
It is a choice, it is an action. There’s nothing subtle or passive about it. It’s like growing roots beneath the surface, rising to the occasion to say now is the time for this. Now is the time to say no, or change, or move, or gently walk away, or perhaps take fire to fields. For yourself. Shame, regret, blame, and lowered standards won’t live here to blind your path, no more, for yourself and the company you keep. Your time and your company, too precious to waste. This is why many that move into light walk alone, at least for a time, until they are graced with others fiercely loving themselves.
Remember, people can only meet you within the capacity to their own evolution. Meaning, their understanding of others is married to their own healing. Contentment for truth and integrity in others, upheld within. Authenticity to witness in another, softly piercing within. Holding space for vulnerability, being seen within. Forgiving others, merely a forgiveness of self.
Surety does not rest in protest, it settles by action. It is your thoughts, beliefs, habits, and actions for yourself and, in turn, for all. Light is not easy, it is necessary. Love is your power. #wordiness #writeyourheartout #writing

stephynow