Sometimes my heart hurts -

Sometimes my heart hurts. This is the hardest business I’ve ever been in. I think it’s because it’s the only business I’ve put my heart in. Working in office management, it’s a daily clocking in of tasked duties. It’s the same. Mistakes are minimal, it’s systematic. Grab your coffee and go. 
Teaching yoga. It feels like I’m putting my heART into the world. I think of it like coaching. I grew up as an athlete, the tom-boy girl with the short hair and big teeth; I looked to my coaches to guide me. A coach is the one rooting for others, engaging and challenging people to bring out the most in themselves. Breathing together, uniting, even when it’s hard and shaky. There’s a release, together, we take you there, all you have to do is invite yourself onto your mat. There’s so much that takes place in the physical realm of movement with breath. It counts on your spirit to go forth. It is loving and nurturing. Sometimes the greatest release comes from the ability to sit in a class. I get to be a witness to your beauty and sometimes I have so few words but am in awe of the ones who show up. You are beautiful to witness.
The business of teaching is a struggle. I sway on the lines of uncertainty. The countless background conversations. Judgment. Negotiations. Contracts. Being told what I teach is not yoga. Not to post on social media. I shouldn’t talk about certain things. Or that I need to talk more about things. That I’m too much or not enough. It’s the behind-the-scenes of teaching that makes me tired and hurts my heart sometimes. I want to shake the world and ask, “can’t we all just get along?!”
And then I remember there’s a reason I’m here, why I started. What this practice holds for me and my healing. I return and kneel. It’s the front-line stuff; connecting with students, the support system of a small group of senior teachers, and the love we co-create is what matters. Lately, I’ve been turning to these moments and to the lovers. Kind teachers. You teach me more than I can ever express. My breathless yoga family and my OneOeight tribe. My students, who are my greatest teachers. Near, far, and wide, I find strength and courage through you.
Thank you.