i'll not return to my old, lessening ways

It wouldn’t matter if you walked away from love.
I would still love you the same. My love does not come in favors, disguises, or trades for keep. I give it free, bubbled to the surface and drips, like blood, as pierced skin. You say I love too hard. I know not any other way. The world quotes I feel too much. I say too much. I am too much. I once followed the norms of silencing and hushing my aches. I’ll not return to my old, lessening ways. I was numb once (then).

A time when spreading legs for others came easier than holding your hand. A time when tasting unknown tongues gave false security and esteem. A time when the words, “I love you” translated into, “I’ll leave you.” I knew not of intimacy back then and took gratifications in fast sex, elixirs to blackened memories, and proclaimed self love as a detachment from my body, my self. 

I know different now, I kiss different now. I don’t rush it, this intimacy with you. Us. Myself. I serve myself now. No longer releasing my body for others to penetrate as their own. I let my body feel and trust my emotive pressures. I let myself roar out from my belly. I do not fear the ways I’m being watched or how I’m being felt. I do not hide the very aspects of my nature. I stay in this place, raw and seen, in flesh, to paper or screen.

Quietly-loud and sometimes raging, in my way.

I was numb once. I’ll not return to my old, lessening ways.